Hunger

Thinking of the complexity of the situation at hand,
Feeling a new passion awaken as you search for a way quench a thirst
A thirst that has been sated yet still leaves you thirsting for more
For hunger, for human touch
Anticipating another encounter when lips
touch hips and quiver escape unexpectedly...
drawing in quick breaths as you slide inside
the center of this love
seeing blues
reds
and green...
Fireworks begin as I come out of a trance like state
waiting for you to taste what has been offered...
Gushing as beautiful flickers
escape the tip of your tongue
leaving me exhausted yet craving you more...

I am

Making my way back home
Loving you even more now that ever
You love me flaws and all
You supply all of my needs
Take all the pain away
You are the beginning and the end
My Alpha and Omega
The sun wouldn't set without your doing
You turn sunshine to rain
But send a rainbow for me to revel in
You are the great I am
My way Maker
My counselor
My Prince of Peace!

Locs

The twist of tendrils falling low

draping shoulders like a magic cloak

binding the embers

locked up tight never to be released

like forever on a strand

intertwining coarse to the touch

cared for with precision handled with love

each twist holds the answers

the question still on your lips

who could imagine such beauty as this

strong like wool they capture stares

the locked beauty can never be theirs

imitation is flattery some may say

but you hate what you cannot be

but yet imitate me.

the strength of the shaft

the tight curl pattern now tamed neat

palm rolled or sister loc'd to perfection

true strength in numbers all loc'd down

falling on shoulders like a cloak.

Minutes

It takes a minute to realize

The feeling of love

A second to wish it away

Turning back the hands of time

Would make things change

For the better

Perhaps

Walking on air

Blushing with ease

Those things that used to be

Secretly yours

Lost in time

A minute to soon

An hour to late

Time stamp

At the most inappropriate times I think of you
Dressed only in a smile
Fingerprints etched on my windowpane
I wait
With bated breath I sit
To feel you
I thirst for your touch
Mounting
Embracing
Head hung low in shame
Breathing jagged
Lost in frustration
Idle hands
Trying to remain neutral
Loss of control is evident
Peace I should be so lucky
When the image so clear
has me thinking
thinking of you at the most inappropriate times!

Slow Remembrance

Even now I can still feel it
I've tried to forget
The things that you do
The soft smile that tickles the corners of your lips
Lips that I long to still kiss
The days turn into weeks
Months seem to pass
Since I've parted lips
Lips for you to kiss
At last
My Heart aches in the wake of your absence
I long to touch you more
Feel your warm embrace
See you like the daily
Rising and setting sun
But for me forgetting isn't easy
And the valley between lips and toes
Have an imprint burned into them
Slave no more
Yet still captive
Turning away
Wasting time no more
Closing this chapter out
Crushing a dying spirit.

WHEW SAA

The very essence if you speaks to me...
I feel you
Way deep down in the places that hold traces of
days and nights filled with desire
I drink and become drunk
The very image of you speaks volumes
I like to believe it to be all man
I'm in a trance
transfixed with the sound of your voice
losing control of all inhibitions
when it comes to you
Quickly and surprisingly but
comfortable in your embrace
your name will remain
on the tip of my tongue.

The infamous car shots! Got to love a camera phone and great lighting, I couldnt resist...

Hello auntie baby girl!
she is so enthralled with
the camera :)
I had a nice time visiting with her.

she is destined to be a gymnast!

look at miss Ali go!

11 months and walking ready to tumble

I see you baby gymnast!

Chocolate

I envision you smooth and creamy maybe special dark or rich and milky wrapped up all pretty Sweet smelling tantalizing to the palate... I crave you I desire more and more of you You take me to places I love I hide you for myself I share you with no one! All smiles Just like a dream come true to me I unwrap you savoring every morsel I just got to have you You are my true weakness!! My guilty pleasure My love wrapped in deliciousness

confusion

Trying to Imagine
Clear Lines
Smooth and Solid
Touch Taste and See
New Horizons
Stay put
Don't go anywhere
Fly free
Away from it all
Cry today
Laugh after
Ask a question
No answer
Expect no reply
Just Be!

grief

He said she didn't have to worry

said that he cared

That he would take care of her

wipe away all her tears

Said it would be OK

but

She was only 16

Told her

look out for big brother

make sure grandmother was asleep

he wanted to make her a woman

his woman

but

she was only 16

said that she was pretty

loved her style

asked to come over for a little while

look out for mom

make sure everyone is asleep

don't want anyone to see me

said he would make her feel good

it would be alright

wouldn't even need to stay overnight

kissed her cheek to steel her nerves

told her not to tell anyone

or he would leave

she thought it was love

he had her under his spell

the night would be the beginning of her hell

she was only 16

He didn't protect himself

didn't protect her

on that night a baby was conceived

but

she was only 16

told him her story

said he didn't care

a big decision to make on her own

she was left to grieve

her body her decision

he didn't condone

She made a choice that would change her forever

something that no one knew

the shame

the guilt

the hurt deep inside

she had to swallow her pride

He was gone now

all that he wanted

he got

left her to suffer alone

in pain

said he would never forgive her

never forget

She would live with the memory

the decision

she was only 16

Free

It's wonderful to feel strong

And beautiful

To have a passionate heart

And to dream

To instill loyalty to oneself

View yourself as a work of art

Simplicity is sometimes more beautiful

Than the most glamerous

Its cool to have a free form of expression

Physical Attraction

Purely

Hungry for your touch

You

Smile so bright

I just

Crumble

Always be there to

Love me unconditionally



As we walk

Together

Talking about whatever

Really into each other

As always I see your

Cute smile and all

Taking my heart

In your hands

Only the way

No one else can.

Beloved Chariot

In the far corner in the back of the church it sits folded awaiting a patron

This once great chariot used to transport

No one remembers now.

It once was shiny and new and held great importance

Like the pews it rested next to on any given Sunday

It being rolled down center isle for communion

This once great chariot has no one to accompany it now,

It is old like many patrons who once relied upon it.

This wheelchar once a resting place for the weary ones,

A dear comfort for those

who needed a shoulder to lean on.

But no one remembers it now

It has seen countless patrons yet received no thank you

now replaced by a new, more capable wheelchair

It is a motherless child,

and now has many stories to tell.

I can remember when I first laid eyes on it

I was a young girl

I was like others then and now

Wondering what was the purpose of its existance

Then I tempted to rest in the comfort of its arms.

It was a mother to the motherless a way for me to be at ease.

I was even more intrigued by its easy complexity

and its ability to sustain the weight if the world.

Mom's Kitchen

She could not tell you now what she was thinking
As she sat in her mothers kitchen
Stirring a pot
She was still young then
Wearing her favorite white dress,lace trimmed
Wanting to cook just like mom
She stood then on tip toes inspecting hot contents
She would stir

The kitchen the same now as it was when she was a little girl

Painted a fresh coat of white with he flower curtains hanging over the sink

The ones that daddy hated so much

She is reminded of good times when she would sit

sit on her daddy's lap or sip cocoa with mom

At that very table, the one in the corner of the room

That was her time to vent, to cry as she often did

Tears that would burn straight through to her soul

Her mother would listen intently as she would prepare the next meal

With such calmness in her voice for her beloved daughter

On long days like this when feelings of inadequacy would flood back

Years now lost she would turn to her dear mother who would ease her fears

and wipe her tears

Only if someone would have told that little girl in the white dress

To be free as long as she could

But all is lost

Because I cannot tell you now what she is thinking.

Night Vision

I have fallen into a deep abyss finding comfort in solace I have become what I have most feared. Finding comfort in words that only speak half truths Aware that all isn't as it seems I await Wait for a day when all is as it seems and dreams are for those who often times wish to be something that they aren't . Walking in a shell that only holds what needs to be set free. A caged bird sings constant songs of free flight. That bird that sings songs that fall on death ears the song unclear I find myself over many bridges that I fear to cross back over wondering how will I go forward from here. Success is not always as it seems for my abyss lies on a flat plane swallows you whole and takes control of my very being leaving me filled with nothing but anguish. Only the lonely cries tears of insanity, waiting to be part of something greater. A great plan that will unfold making what is unclear seem transparent and makes who you are livable. the lonely only cry tears that are heard by those who pass on the streets to witness a caged bird without a thought.

Blank

Blank stares received emotions on high visions of being held by you still fresh on my mind. My fingertips trace along your freshly shaven face drinking in your eyes the way you feel up against me reminding me that you are all man I am envisioning laughter filling my heart Smiles encompassing my soul riding high on this thing called love.

Randomness

Wanted to pen this...

Start to write again

Didn't know how or where to start anymore

thought of a day to day account

quickly nixed that!

Who likes being in a box anyways!

wanted to write about you and how you make me feel

well... supercalifragilisticexpialidcious

and make my inner woman roar

Oh well

who wants to be in love anyways...

Searching for myself and the meaning to it all

walking in the rain and dreaming of the sunshine

drowning and I can't get out.

Thinking and uncertain at times, unfulfilling and blue

and broken dreams deferred no more gainful or pure

Seeking what is now and then to come

praying for a little peace

just for a little piece of the rainbow

nevermind the pot of gold...

for now at least!

Pieces of Peace

I write you down in my mind

etch you accross my skin this is always how it begins

a little piece for my peace

and some sanity

I beg of you

how goes it...

effortless

the way to insanity is closely met with heartache

sunshines on my face

wind blowing through my hair

singing this tune that wont leave me

a little peace

its all I long for, this aching

sometimes longing

searching for the true meaning to be met

insanity brewing

mission possible.. maybe

just a piece of that peace that brings

calmness and clearity

No Applause

I can feel a million eyes on me

Peering through me

Like I am on display

It's all up to me

I have everyone's attention

yet

I croak

I cringe

Is that sound coming from my throat?

I try once more but the words

caught in my throat

The only things that escapes are my constant pleas

My attempt at recovery

Failed

It's so quiet now

My body knows the tempo

Yet and still

All that comes out is

CROAAAK

My hands are clammy

My mind is going wild

I want to scream

Run

GAG even

Until...

Like a wave of sickness

out of my throat that which has hindered me

serves as my downfall

As the curtain falls.

Bittersweet

RED

HOT LIKE FIRE

TRUE BLUE OCEANS FILL FROM POOLS

BENEATH IRISES

SITTING IN AN DEEP ABYSS

NOWHERE NEAR BLISS

TIGHTENING

GRIPPING

NO IMPORTANCE

TRAGIC

ALL CONSUMING

TURBULENT EVEN

SICKENING

A MEANS TO NO END

BECOMING OUT OF CONTROL

TWISTING AND TURNING

BLINDING

BITTERSWEET...

Something So Wonderful

Trying to find the right words to say,

the right place to be

Feeling everything

and nothing

is it possible

To be in turmoil and feel glee

So many answers to the question

But believe none

Walking past the shadows

Staying on the side

Wishing...hoping... believing

You will remain in the hollow of his hand

and walk with angels...

Thoughts

Like the first breath taken as we merge
I feel you
you ease into my soul
drink up my essence
swallow me whole
engulfing
all consuming
your touch
tender
your kisses
delicious
burn imprints into my flesh
soft moans
escape parted lips
singing songs of bliss
bringing me closer to
a thousand little deaths
dancing to this beat
has become so
that I want no other

No more...

Wispers in the wind sing a song long forgotten

a melody that is so sweet you can almost taste it

dancing on a promise told

not stumbling but

twirling and floating like a butterfly

remembering a smile just as comforting

A new day right after the rain

fresh cut flowers given with promise of things to come

Thoughts of travels and explorations replaced by the thrill

of a new chase

comfort found no longer in that familiar space

For you my sister, my friend

You my beautiful sister are worth you weight in gold

Your eyes sparkle like diamonds

Your worth is more than how much you make

or measured in the width of your hips.

You are a Beautiful Black Queen

Whom so ever that doesn't see your strength

take a closer look.

Your strength comes from HE

He who has made the heavens and earth and has breathed life

into man.

Those who fail to see your light or try to steal your shine pale on comparison

So my sister despite the turmoil that may be surrounding you

stand fast to your strength God is in control.

thats the way love goes...

So... now you say you love me, said Im the one but you cheated on me
when things dont go your way its an issue but I am to be the understanding one
excuse me for not giving a flying fuck what you want
this was never a love thang
I my friend am done!
get over yourself because I am and will continue to be...
over this so called love thang you have going on.

Hitting the town to see PJ Morton sing! What a lovely experience I had... I think I have fallen in love with his music and wondered where have I been as Baltimorians all around me sang and swayed to the soulful music and i although enjoyed the music swayed along wishing I knew the lyrics like those around me. This experience was one that I would repeat if the chance arose in a heartbeat!

This is PJ in action! He is awesome artist and man of God who isn't afraid to share his gift with the world. His new Album

is called "Walking Alone" available on itunes and currently on my ipod! this is the music that speaks to your soul and makes you want to fall and be in love! I am so glad I listened to a friend and attended the show!

Music is Love

Last night I fell in love with music all over again when the souldful sounds of PJ Morton filled my ears. I wondered where has this love been all my life and why am I just awakening to it. I am ready to embark on a jorney but I must "walk Alone" as his new album is titled...

April Sunshine

falling into the curve
the loop and the line
swirling and twirling
always on time
finding the song
the list so great
taking the sound
bending time
waking
walking
skipping
dreaming of the day
the day away
touching fingers on end
staring into nothingness
losing the laughter
finding the answer
white clouds pass
lines edge on
waiting in silence
to feel the light.

Running

OK... So last week I decided that I, plus size Jen wants to be a runner... right!

This decision came as I searched the net on 5K's coming up in the next few months in the Baltimore area, and my Big Boss doing a triathlon... Needless to say transitioning from a walker on the treadmill to a runner didn't go so smoothly! So equipped with the app on my iPhone couch to 5K I knew I was well on my way to tackle the necessary 8- 1 minute running session... Boy was I wrong! My body began to rebel against me the second 1 minute run I began and didn't relent until I was standing still rubbing my aching shins. Man this was going to be harder than I thought... So this week I have sworn off the elliptical machine, the source of some of my thigh pain, and began to build up my endurance slower this time on the treadmill. I will not give up, I will not give in! I will be a runner and all I need is 9 weeks... :) slow and steady distance is what I am looking for not short and fast...

Reflections

I decided to give this blogging thing a try and as I began to write, I had to sit back and think on how much God changes things. At times I begin to get sad, but the good always outweighs the bad. I enjoy my life presently but sometimes long for what was familiar in the past and the comfort that it brought. Now don't get me wrong I love my life and where I am presently but I miss my family and my close friends.

It's been two and a half years since I've been a resident of Maryland and I have changed by leaps and bounds as a person.I have met a group of outgoing career minded women who help keep me active and joined a church that has been anointed by God with a Pastor who is truly on fire for God! I believe that everything good or bad happens for a reason and is His will.

Since I've moved to Maryland I have lived in 2 different counties, purchased a car and rented my first apartment by myself. God has been so good to me throughout this transitioning period in my life and hasn't failed me yet. I don't know where I would be without God my father. These are the times where I, as a woman of God will continue to grow into the woman that will make a difference in the world.

This is me Jennifer from Connecticut living in Baltimore and loving it!